Should Remember
by ModernDivine
Summary: In which he regrets more than anything... old zutara & flashbacks 1st installment-Please enjoy!


If I Should Remember

**Acknowledgment:**

I herby acknowledge that the work of fiction presented here is for my own personal amusement and entertainment purposes alone.

**Disclaim**: I do not own Avatar or LoK.

I am _excited_ and overwhelmed right now, when I discovered that Zuko is ALIVE (LoK); and is now ambassador for world peace in LoK—yay! (via Avatar Wiki).

So, then I thought of this reeaally sweet idea to write consecutive installments. But I am still debating over the idea of writing _separate_ installments because I am pretty sure I have no plans for turning this into a lengthy fic. "If I Should..." is based on events after 'TFBM', Zuko's progress over post-war & Harmony Restoration Movement & LoK. So the timeline is going to be embellished a little bit. Also, my plans involve in having lots of flashbacks. So PM me if, and when you're possibly confused(:

I also want to warn you ahead of time that the next installment might not do HRM justice (or the location of Makapu Village which, on Wiki, is the same location near LoK's Republic City; so the geography/time skip may be different) due to missing bits and pieces of info over 'The Promise' or post Hundred Year War.

So, yes, it will be a really different, nice challenging experience. **Thanks and e****njoy!**

* * *

"_Never give up without a fight."_

"_I thought you had changed!"_

"I have changed..."

-x-

Though he sits alone in front of a pew, the shrine is currently empty. A tapestry is engraved in front of him on separate columns. Between the two columns are a face contoured of an old woman. And he hesitates. It is almost nightfall and he wonders if it is time to mediate again. He shakes his head and brings up a hand and emits a flame. He slowly brings himself up, for age has caught up with him. He makes his way to the door, but not before taking a final glance and lifting his flame.

_Goodnight._

* * *

"_...no one can give you your honor. It's something you earn for yourself, by choosing to do what's right. All I want now is to play my part in ending this war. And I know my destiny is to help you restore balance to the world."_

"Again."

Flames spurted around them.

"Again!" Zuko bellowed out.

And with his command, Aang grunted as he stretched out his palm and generated an intense blaze.

But it was apparently not satisfactory with the way Zuko shook his head.

"No, no, _no_! How many times have I got to tell you Aang? Firebending is from the breath; the air you breathe in and out. That was not good enough!" Zuko berated; the Avatar was a quick learner and a dedicated disciple but was easily distracted and not as disciplined as the prince would have liked.

The young Avatar stood his ground and glared at the former prince, "I'm sorry! It's just...it's not as easy as I thought it would be—at least after _I_ learned from the Firebending masters. And I'm trying!"

He demonstrated as he gathered his arms and formed a whirl of flames above his head, and pushed out against him; the fire dispersed quickly and Aang left his mouth agape, disappointed—frustrated, he waved his arms for emphasis and tried again, only to glance nervously back at the former prince who shook his head disapprovingly.

-x-

"Not _enough_ juice I thiiink."

Zuko whirled around from a column and found an amused Katara with a smirk on her face, holding a tray of drinks during dinner. He glared in her direction as she held out a drink for Aang, who snatched it from her, eager and thankful. Aang had just reported to everyone over his training; like she was one to talk.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Zuko questioned, his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against a column. The Western Air Temple might have felt like home to Aang, with its structure situated notably upside down to allow wind to flow throughout its temple; but Zuko certainly felt that its design didn't put up enough _doors_. He felt his face suddenly heat up after that thought, replaying the scenes of last night with the certain waterbender.

* * *

_Her back slammed against the wall. As he tightened his hold on her wrists, he wondered how they ended up like this. Was it right after he recalled that joke over his Uncle's tea that he knew something sparked her interest? Was it after everyone had left? He didn't understand what kind of a fight she would put up. But, it was one he certainly hoped would stop before it began. Because it was in the way her eyes danced a familiar color of blue and the way her breath hitched when he got closer and closer._

* * *

"I mean, isn't it obvious that maybe the reason why Aang isn't learning as well as he should is because," she began as she turned her back on Aang, who continued to gulp down with ferociousness, "you're a terrible teacher."

"Ooo..." he heard the water tribe warrior smirk, but stopped when Toph punched him in the arm, ignoring his "ow".

Katara finished with a glare and the former prince scoffed at her claim.

"...'kay, I'm done!" Aang said quickly hoping to interject between the two benders.

_Don't do it. Stay calm. Don't say anything stupid and don't talk bac—_

"What? How could you _say_ that? If it weren't for me being here, you'd all be helpless without someone to teach Aang! Let alone someone who is _willing_ to teach him firebending for the greater good!" he bellowed as his eye twitched and gestured with a hand. They had been at this for weeks.

"Heesh godda gud foint Katra," Sokka stated with a face full of food as he gnashed his leftovers.

"That's gross, Sokka," she responded before turning to the firebender.

"Are you done now?" she sneered at Zuko's silent protests. His response was a fierce look that only accounted for the annoyance he felt for her now.

"Argh, why do I even bother?" she wailed, as she turned her heel and went back to her room.

'Ehh, you'll get over it. It's just the hormones—"

He cut off abruptly as Zuko slammed a fist into the wall with a shout, streams of flames charring the stone. A few rocks broke loose and tumbled down the steps. "What the hell do you people want from me?" he huffed, storming off down the stairs.

Sokka sighed heavily, "Are you gonna eat that Toph?"

"Monkey feathers! Why can't we just have a peaceful dinner?" Aang whispered to no one in particular.

-x-

The next morning, Katara was nearly fuming, and made a noise only a baby sister could make— "SOKKAA!"

And with that, the water tribe warrior awoke from his deep slumber, swinging his trusty meteorite sword, only to have to trudge up to the kitchen worried for his little sister. Heck, the sun wasn't even up yet.

Aang popped out of his blanket next to him. "What's happening? Did you hear that?"

"The whole world heard that!" Sokka growled, waving his arms over-dramatically. "We'll have the fire nation all over us by the time we have breakfast!"

"If they're not already here," Aang pointed out, his boyish excitement fading.

Sokka's eyes narrowed, "Keep everyone here, then come after me."

Sokka, who readily walked with his sword in hand, froze in his tracks when Aang asked him, "Where's Toph?"

"Over here."

Sokka raised a brow in confusion and turned to a corner followed by Aang. Their eyes trailed to the ceiling; they found the young earthbender—who was now munching on a juicy, if not, slightly burnt piece of fish—and sat comfortably on a loft of earth she raised herself. Sokka, whose mouth hung wide open now, drooled over the sight of meat—

"You won't need your sword, Snoozles," she began as she took another bite, "Juschh go upfh ther yourschelves."

Sokka stopped and scratched his head and sighed loudly, "Let me guess...Zuko accidently burned Katara."

Toph grinned, "No. He burned the food, but he _tried _to hurl fire in Sugarqueen's way when she whipped him with her water skin."

"What?" was the warrior's response, his eyes now wide like saucers.

"I know! We have to stop them! They could really hurt each other and destroy the whole place!" Aang protested, as he turned to run to stop the two benders.

"They could have _burned_ our entire ration of _food_! Awww!" Sokka whined, to the Avatar's dismay as he followed, leaving Toph to herself as she grinned, replaying the scene in her head after she found the two benders in a rather awkward, and compromising position. It wasn't long before she heard Sokka's pleas.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw the two benders were practically sprawled across the kitchen table and,"OH MY GOD I EAT THERE. I can't believe THIS IS HAPPENING."

"What are you talking about Sokka? Zuko and I were just ridding the fire away from _your breakfast_ with my waterbending," Katara stated innocently as she drew a hand to spread linen which now creased her clothes. _Che. Payback._

"You should be thankful."

But Sokka was having none of it. He s_aw _what happened, "And you—you let this happen?"

Zuko just stared at the water tribe warrior with an incredulous expression. Sure, Sokka was a goof at times, but this time Zuko looked at him as if all sanity had left him, "It was just _food_, Sokka. It's not like we did anything—"

"Whaa? NOT LIKE YOU DID _ANYTHING_? YOU TWO PROMISED! You _promised _that you two would _CONTROL YOURSELVES! _And look what's _HAPPENED!" _The young warrior gestured wildly as he pointed to the burnt hinges of the table and the wasted food that was now sagging.

Katara rolled her eyes and huffed as Sokka continued his rant. "I put my food there and I EAT THERE. I thought we ALL had an AGREEMENT that you two would not perform any conspicuous s_teambending _nonsensewith one another?"

Zuko cringed at the boy's accusation as he a finger pointed in his direction.

"This is the most indecency I've ever caught you in, Zuko! That's _it_! This is the FOULEST of all BETRAYALS!" continued Sokka, as he brawled on and on.

Zuko heard a giggle behind him and a hand wrap around his wrist and he felt a shiver run down his spine as her voice neared his ear, "Just ignore him. He won't know."

And she left him there, with his mouth hung open, to the merciless cries of Sokka's temperament; her words replaying in his head as if there was a double meaning.

* * *

"_For the first time and the last time, I didn't think we would get this far. But now I know—the world will be even more different when we build it together," as he puts a hand on his friend's shoulder._

They had just announced the coronation of the new Fire Lord and the new era of peace he promised to conceive with his friend and Avatar.

He smiles at the crowd, bowing to them once again, as he could not have done this without the faith of the people and the weight of his destiny. He lifts himself up only to have blue meet with gold eyes. He sees a smile appear on her face, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. Because she knows.

_(It wasn't like anything any of them had imagined it to be…_

_He answered Azula with such defiance and emotion. That it suddenly didn't matter: a peasant to his sister, to the brutal people of the Fire Nation, to the outskirts of his father's rule—he would give everything. He would give up everything for the Water Tribe peasant.)_

* * *

_(A full moon)_

He walked out towards the turtle duck pond. It's nighttime and he knows that the full moon is reflecting along the lines shaping the small waves. He wonders what _should have_ happened. He remembered the sympathy on her face when she heard what happened between him and Mai. It was _over_.

Zuko wrapped his arms tighter around himself as he wandered down the terrace. The lanterns along the sides of the palace lit the area in a warm, friendly glow. Even now, he admits that remembering makes him squirm. To go along with it, it would only cause embarrassment to his title as Fire Lord and betrayal to a friend. For more than_ a few months now_, he's had to live with it, feeling the shame, trying to push it away, and so by this act of remembrance, he regrets it all.

"_It's just that, the last time, you needed me to feel this way about you. You needed me to __**love**__ you to help you forget all those things you'd done."_

"_I __**still**__ need you!"_

_She looked at him with something that might have been pity, but was also admiration._

"_No, Zuko. You don't._ _It's in the past."_

"What did she mean?" He mumbled to himself as he walked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his dark pants. Around him, the wind whispered silently.

Zuko turned to look up at the sky. Soft black and violet velvet covered the air, but he glowered back at in defiance as if to challenge the spirits. Reaching up, he brushed his bangs away from his face and tried to think.

"_You finally found it. And I found the same. You found peace. And it changed you."_

"_I haven't changed!"_

He found it almost ironic, those words. He wanted to laugh almost as much as he wanted to curse the Spirits for yanking his fortune around once again, for dangling happiness in front of his face like he could attain it, and then tugging it away as soon as his fingertips brushed.

(He'd told her under a city, in a cavern of crystal and rock and water that he had _changed_, that something in him had altered, that he wasn't that same person she'd known since the start of her journey. He'd wanted to prove to her that he was stronger, better, faster, but most of all he'd wanted to prove to her that he was making the right choice; that happiness was to be found in betraying the one person who loved him and the only person who'd ever offered him salvation. He'd wanted to prove that his destiny wasn't tied to hers, wasn't as intertwined as she'd made it out to be.)

He stands in front of the pond now. He warily sits himself down, legs crossed. He wonders how many times he's sat here. How many times he cried here. He closes his eyes, whilst the same moment the image of _her_ flashes in his mind, and he sees her in a new light.

_How could you have __**not**__ noticed?_

"Damn it!" he cursed. He can't be thinking. He can't be wishing. He can't be falling. Not her.

_._-x-

_In life, we sometimes meet a person we're not suppose to fall in love with,_

_For it could only cause trouble and pain._

_Logic tells us to stop, but our heart says,_

_'How could it be wrong when it feels so right?'_

-x-

* * *

Oh no! Not Zuko. :(

I apologize for my wordiness! But I am thrilled to let you know that I enjoyed writing this piece with much embellishment and empathy- thanks to Sokka and his silly "sokkasm" moments. But, for now, the drama does feel a little melancholy in the last bit; but, I feel like I want it to 'hurt' before it has time to heal. And again if you found it difficult to follow with the flashbacks or passages, pls don't hesitate to PM me(: Hope to see you in the next installment!

Thanks for reading!


End file.
